Back at it, more focused..

I will be starting my 4th month in April, since I have started working out at the gym. I had a lapse for about 2 weeks, I still ate well, but just was feeling exhausted and not going to the gym. I had wore jeans that I hadn't wore in probably at least over a year, and feeling pretty good.

But watching the Biggest Loser on Tuesday and seeing my dear friend Aubrey go home and her home diary, I suddenly realized that could be me, I have a tendency of losing weight then thinking I am ok not to keep my routine going. I felt terrible when I saw in 3 days how she gained 9 lbs back. How scary is that. A few weeks ago, I saw Mandi at the Sprotsman's Show, she looks terrific, almost the same as I have always known her. I never really saw her at her biggest. I asked how Aubrey was doing and she says that she struggles because she doesn't enjoy working out and doesn't make herself a priority. Now I can't imagine having 5 kids, a husband, house and a full time job to take care of.

Ding Ding, went the bell in my head. I have to make myself a priority. Not in a selfish way, but in a way where I make the time when it's available to put myself first. I work in a business where all I do is cater to the needs of other people, their animals and the needs that they have. I take care of both my kids and hubby, and my own animals. I need to remember that if I don't take care of myself that I won't be here to take care of them.

I am in no way looking to lose all this weight to make an impression on other people. Just me! I am not doing it so that I can be the cutest mom out there, I am doing it so that I can enjoy all of the events that my kids want me to take part in, and just to be in good health because as much as I don't want to admit it, I am only getting older. Darn it..

So tonight I went and spent 1 1/2 hours at the gym. I have a feeling every time I leave that gym that is almost indescribable! I feel re-fueled, energized, and more confident in myself!
I have about 50 lbs to go. It's not about a size or necessarily a number, but I know that with my height I should weigh a certain amount and if I can get within 5-10 lbs of that goal, I am ok with that. I won't dwell about it, I will just continue to try hard to achieve it.

I want to reach this goal by my 30th B-day and it's only creeping closer everyday. But the count down begins today: 10 weeks, 71 days.. Here we go!!